Johnny Depp Wants His Balls Back
Last week a friend and I were discussing how glad we’ll be when Disney and Tim Burton give Johnny Depp his dick back. These Questionable Queen roles he be playing are tiresome. I’m bored by the gay pirate, I was bored by his gay rendition of Willy Wonka, he’s kinda gay as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland….UGH. His gay roles bring out my inner gay man and he’s pissed because we miss the old Johnny, ya know, from his Blow days: sitting at a table full of cocaine, a gun in his hand and a hot bitch that barely speaks English sitting on his lap.
I watched Donnie Brasco the other day and started crying because I feel like I lost a precious friend. I want tough Johnny back, damn it!! I want Johnny “makes my panties wet” Depp. I kinda wish Lee Marvin was still alive to go kick Johnny’s ass for serving as Hollywood’s bend over bitchboy.
Listen, Hollywood, you have that gay vagina-hater from Twatlight, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and the Queen of Queens Zack Efron to throw gay roles at. Let these three pre~ejaculators fight for the gay for pay roles and let Johnny be great at playing the tough and slightly misunderstood manly man.
Word on the Skeet is that Johnny may locate his balls on the set of the 21 Jump Street movie. Johnny wants to do a cameo (as Officer Hanson) in the upcoming movie: “I’m hoping they’ll let me do a cameo,” Depp told EW, maybe a little sarcastically. “Someone will say, ‘Whatever happened to Tom Hanson?’ and they’ll find me somewhere hoarding jars of peanut butter and shaking in my underpants.”
I also think Johnny Depp is the hottest guy in the world Hotter than anyone I have ever known in my whole life and i just can’t get over how cool he is.