Your Mistress Presents….

I’m crazy about Autumn Lewis from Hell’s Kitchen (airs Tues. on FOX).

This chick is not only lovely, she’s articulate, talented, she seems like a sweet girl, and I love the way she works the kitchen.

If you’re watching Hell’s Kitchen, then you’re noticing the jealousy the other chefs are serving Autumn. They are intimidated by her charm, skills and beauty. But Autumn is classy, so she keeps it pushing. I’m so proud of how she handles the Hate.

Autumn, if you’re reading this, consider this my Lust Letter to you. WARNING and SPOILER: from this point on, it’s about to get Hella Perverted up in here, so if you can’t handle it, log off now.

Dear Autumn,

I want you to sit on my face and let me bury my tongue deep inside you. I want to suck on your tits until you lactate the sweet nectar of Life.

You live in North Hollywood, as do I. You’re from The Chi, as am I!!! Aww, all the more reason for us to become BFF’s. I’m not a stalker bitch….. Ok, well, I can be if I don’t get what I want. But because I respect your beauty, I will respect your space. I won’t stalk you on days that end with “Y”, but come Halloween, and New Years Eve, watch out. ;-)

Can I brush your weave?

Can I wash your stained period panties by hand?

Can I shank a bitch on your behalf? Ben, perhaps?

It’s not often that televised Black Beauty captivates me. I applaud FOX for hiring a Black woman that doesn’t feed into the typical stereotypes of “The Black Woman”.

Girl, you’re too fierce, so chances are you’ll never be BET approved. Which is a good thing because I don’t need you to become a brainwashed servant like BET’s viewers.

Autumn, I wish I could bottle you up and spray you on before I hit the streets. I bet you smell like success and floral scented Summer’s Eve –> yummy.

If you don’t win Hell’s Kitchen, please know that you were robbed. Gordon Ramsey deserves a swift fuck up his bum with my dirty strap-on if he hires that hateful Ben fucker.

Additionally,  I know there are only a few episodes left of Hell’s Kitchen, and if you get voted off, that sound you’ll hear of a bitch being tortured via waterboard will be me. Like, seriously, you do know that watching Hell’s Kitchen without you would be torturous. I’ve already hired the fool I want to waterboard me should Ramsey give you The Boot. Seriously, who the hell really cares about The Others on the show.

Autumn, do you believe in gay  marriage? I do too, so let’s get married!! I’m not gay, but I will totally go gay for you. Let’s Go Gay for each other. And if you need some dick on the side, that’s cool, so as long as I can coach the session, or join in on the fun. He’s gotta be well-hung, tho. Let’s insult our vagina’s by fuckin’ with ‘little men’.

Autumn, have your eggs dried up? If so, you can have mine if you’re in the breeding mood. My genes mixed with your genes = the creation of a Goddess.

Autumn, I bet you’re tight. You’re a tease with it, I can tell that about you, and that’s awesome. It’ll be a great turn on for me as I try to insert two fingers inside your tight lovebox,…or, do you prefer 3? Whatever you want, Boo. I’m here to service you.

Girl, you make me want to do thangs that would shame the Lawd. Speaking of which, the image of Jesus is on my clit, Autumn, how about we get together so I can bless you with it.

See you next Tuesday night, my love.

Squirt & Kisses, hot bitch,

Love, Your Mistress…..LITERALLY, I will totally be YOUR Mistress.

~ by I.Am.Your.Mistress on July 21, 2010.

Posted in Television News
Tags: Television News